Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
