Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
