im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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