What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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