i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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