We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
