i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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