Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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