I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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