I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize