You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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