You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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