Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she looked like the before picture.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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