His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
