He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
