yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
