No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
