Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
