I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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