I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
