No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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