there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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