i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
