There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Are my feet made of real feet?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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