You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize