I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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