got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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