i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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