she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
