You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
