Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
