I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
