how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
