I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
