It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
