in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
