Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
