i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
