I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
