The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
