dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
