The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
