An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
