is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
