I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
