cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
did i just pee glitter
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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