I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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