btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
