rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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