a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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