I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
