All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
