I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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