That's when you crack a 10am beer
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
