i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just blew my weed a kiss
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
