What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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