I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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