Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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