I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
