Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
