Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
