I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
