idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
