and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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