K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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