sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
