It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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