How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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