This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
