I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
