every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
