it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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