We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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